The Cast Party
by Frozen Shattered Roses
Summary: Bleach is over. All that remains is to turn out the studio lights. Here follows a sampling of conversations overheard at the Bleach cast party, mostly around the chronic manga/anime character fear of unemployment...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other TV show, manga or anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

_Authors Note - I thought long and hard about posting this. It's not a story about Bleach, it's conversations overheard after Bleach ends. It also makes CONTINUAL reference to a lot of other animes/mangas/television programs, at least some of which probably won't be familiar to most Bleach fans. Possibly a lot won't be familiar, as I consume WAY too much anime/manga. _

_In other words, a lot of the references aren't going to make sense. From that perspective most of this will be hard to follow and will probably seem pretty stupid, so I'd warn you that if you don't like the first chapter don't bother reading further, because this isn't going to grow on you.  
_

_On the flip side, some of these new programs might make pretty good television...  
_

* * *

The last victim had been slain, the last battle fought. More importantly, the last chapter photographed and the last episode recorded. Bleach was over. All that remained was to turn out the studio lights.

The cast party was a rather somber affair, as all such parties are, because nothing worries those of the anime/manga community like being out of work.

Jushiro and Shunsui had been imbibing.

"So what are you going to do next, Shun?"

"Actually, I'm glad you asked, Ju. I had an idea for a show we could do. I'd be a brilliant internal medicine specialist, but really unpleasant. You'd be my heart-of-gold Oncologist buddy."

"That doesn't sound like much of a show, Shun. What would we do all episode long?"

"Oh," said Shunsui airily, "Antics, I suppose." He hadn't really thought that far ahead.

"Antics huh?" Jushiro scratched his chin. "We'd need more of a cast you know. Otherwise who'd you be mean to?"

"The patients, there'd be new ones every week. And I was thinking we could have Nanao and Retsu along. Nanao would work for me, I'd have some sort of team, so there'd be some familiar faces. And maybe we could get Kira to come along, he'd be perfect as a young nervous doctor in need of a hair cut."

"You'd need someone else. I don't think a team of two would be enough. And what would Retsu do?"

"Well, I was thinking she could be my foil, sort of the senior doctor or something. We'd have a long and storied past together, and she'd still be hot for me."

Something occurred to the former thirteenth captain. "You do realize she's not actually a doctor, right? She just plays one on TV?"

"She has healing kido."

"Well, yeah, I know, but that doesn't actually make her a doctor."

Retsu Unohana happened to come along then, looked over the two men and smiled. Then she delicately lifted a leg to drive her elegant foot into Shunsui's leg.

"That's for always ogling me, you prick."

Shunsui bounced up and down on one leg as Retsu Unohana smiled and moved off through the crowd. "Dammit Ju, that's going to leave me with a limp."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

Across the room Ichigo Kurosaki, Toshiro Hitsugaya and Rukia Kuchiki were talking.

"It's the way to go," said Rukia. "Self publishing. Me and Momo have put together a script for a manga pilot. The details aren't final yet but we're building off our existing strengths and we're going it without studio backing. Some of the other girls are interested too."

"What are you actually planning?" Asked Toshiro.

"It's a magical girl show," replied Rukia, "but we're going to differentiate it, you know, aim for the older male demographic. Momo and I will play magical girls with swords in a school setting. We've got Nanao, Nemu and Isane interested enough to play our teachers in the pilot. What our characters don't know is that the three of them were the former generation of sword wielding magical girls. I thought up the idea that every eleven years a comet comes around and turns three ordinary students into magical girls, but Momo and I can't find our third girl. We spend most of the series looking for her."

"It's a bit different," admitted Ichigo. "Are you going for cute magical girls or tough ones?"

"Momo and I? We've got to play to our strengths, Ichigo. Sort of cute but definitely tough. The great thing about the idea is that we know a bunch of girls who can help shoot it. Orihime and Tatsuki said they're willing to play high school girls for a few weeks unless they find other work."

"You need any guys?"

"Probably not. Sorry."

"Just keeping my ear to the ground. For friends, you know."

"Unfortunately we're having a few creative problems," said Rukia. "Momo wants the frilly magical girl look, but I was thinking we should be different and wear uniforms like mech pilots. And I wanted to set it downtown somewhere, go for a gritty, urban feel. Momo wants to set it in an exclusive private girls school somewhere in the country. I think she wants to add Onee-samas and that sort of thing."

"You mean the horny kind?"

"Pretty much. Momo wants her new character to room with Orihime, but we're still negotiating about that."

"Hey, Hime, come here!"

Orihime approached.

"Rukia was just telling us about her new project."

"Oh really? I'm trying to talk her into letting me be a bad girl. I'm going to wear glasses and a ponytail and be very naughty. I'm trying to convince them I should be Momo's girlfriend."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

In another corner Rangiku talked to Yoruichi.

"You always seem to land on your feet, what's your next project?"

"It was actually Kisuke's idea; he's pitching it to the networks. He and I will play the parents of the only catgirl family in town. There'll be sort of two story lines, a serious one about him and I then a more highschooly kind of one about our daughters. The typical 'having trouble because we're different' thing. We're hoping for something fairly heartwarming, but we're building in all the usual jokes about boys the girls bring home being more interested in me and so fourth."

"Which way are you leaning on the fan service?"

"There'll have to be some. We're still working out the details though. I've talked Kisuke into including a doggirl as the family pet."

"Who on _earth_ are you casting as the kids?"


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

Back where Rukia, Toshiro and Ichigo had been joined by Orihime, Ichigo had the floor.

"Nah, he called me, actually. I gather there haven't been as many movies as he was hoping for, and I guess he's just bored. Anyway, we'll be working on sort of a magical boy things. Inuyasha, me and a couple others will be high school students by day and monster killers by night. We're aiming for a very noir feeling. Well, film noir, not the anime Noir. Turns out Inuyasha knows some of the people from xxxHolic, so we're trying to get Yuko Ichihara, she played the witch as our secret sensei type, and we've got Sasuke Uchiha interested in playing one of our secret brotherhood. We figure we need four guys, one left to cast."

"How old is Sasuke now?"

"Fifteen or sixteen. Close enough to me and Inuyasha that it should work. Hell, he already knows how to use a sword, he's perfect. We just need one more guy."

"Lots of guys available here."

That was ignored.

"We still have to flesh out the love interest side though," fretted Ichigo. "Actually, we've been taking to some guys from the Ouran Host Club series for our final warrior and miscellaneous classmates. Inuyasha thinks better looking classmates will get us more female audience. He said he wants to talk Iba, Hisagi, Ikkaku and Yumichika into playing the bad guys."

"That's not a bad line-up, actually. Is Inuyasha going to stick with the gray hair?"

"Nah, stands out too much, so he's going back to black."

"Have you thought about talking to Uzumaki?"

"Uchiha told us not to bother, but we tried anyway. The little prick asked Inuyasha who he was, I couldn't believe it! Uzumaki has the biggest ego you've ever seen, so that tard is on his own. Believe it!"

Everyone dutifully laughed.

"Ino Yamanaka wants on board as Inuyasha's love interest with secrets of her own. She doesn't have a nice thing to say about Uzumaki." Ichigo laughed. "They say he's going to try a spoken-work style singing career!"

"They do call him the biggest dick in anime."

* * *

_Author's note - Well SOMEBODY in the industry has to be a prick! I chose Naruto because I figured everyone knew the character._


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

Nearby, Mayuri Kurotsuchi and Marechiyo Omaeda were talking. Mayuri had washed off his makeup and wore his hat at a jaunty angle.

"You've got no idea how glad I am that I can wash off that damn paint."

"Yeah, I guess it's been a pain in the ass," said the former second Vice captain.

"Pain in the ass? I had to be in the makeup chair at five every morning. I've been getting up at three ever since this series started. Right now all I want to do is sleep in for a couple of days."

Omaeda laughed.

"What about you? Any work on the horizon?"

"Nothing very good," said Omaeda. "I guess I should be happy to just to have some offers, that's more than a lot of people have gotten. But every one is either for a petty Yakuza thug or a high school gym teacher. Certainly nothing leading man. As a student I played Hamlet and now they want me for comic relief."

Soifon happened by, shot the big man a look of disgust.

"Maybe if you weren't such a fat oaf it wouldn't be that way."

Omaeda shot the tiny woman a thinly veiled look of dislike, then called "Hey Kuchiki! You're going to a magical girl show, right? Any chance of a job for Sailor Bitch here?"

A lot of people laughed. Soifon hadn't been the easiest person to work with.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

Some distance away Yumichika and Ikkaku were trying to talk the former Captain Commander out of his funk.

"Come on now, Shigekuni-san. You'll find another role."

"I don't just want a role," replied the bearded man, "I want a _good_ role. I mean, I'm not _ready_ to retire yet, but at my age the industry is trying to put me out to pasture. I was lucky to get Captain Commander, and that was the best role of my career." The old man sipped his scotch.

"Getting the part was a lucky fluke," continued the former Captain Commander, "I mean, after the original Dragonball ended I was red hot; everyone loved me as Master Roshi. But then there were all the damn stupid spin-offs and I never got any screen time. Then I got the Bleach job, and I really thought things were turning around. But since Bleach started most people have hated me. Have you any idea just how far down the last popularity pole I was?"


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

Somewhere close the eleventh captain was talking on his mobile phone.

"No, really," said Zaraki to the telephone, "I'm not interested in Yaoi roles. No, I don't care if the part is Uke or Seme, I'm still not interested. Haven't you got anything for a gruff samurai or something?" Zaraki adjusted the small wireframe glasses he secretly wore whenever the cameras weren't running.

"Those bastards," growled Iba, who happened to be nearby. Hisagi displayed an equally dirty look as they listened to the former eleventh captain's conversation.

"It never fails," said Hisagi. "The moment a show goes off the air the bloody Yaoi recruiters are there to try talking you into gay porn. Can you even imagine _him_ as a seme?"

"Bastards," repeated Iba. "If you think that's hard, try picturing him as a uke. Hey, there are rumors you're going to be the sensei of a slice of life elementary school thing."

"It's work," growled Hisagi. "Though I'll have to wash the tattoo off. I'm glad to get a paycheck. Say, did you hear about poor Sajin?"

"No, what about him?"

"The only offer he's gotten so far is playing a pokemon."

"Ouch."

"Pardon me," said Yuzu, stepping past the former vice captains. "Rumor has it Tatsuki needs a little sister for her next part. I want to make sure she has my phone number."


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

Karin and Toshiro were having a talk, or rather Karin was asking questions Toshiro endeavored to answer.

"Playing a prodigy can be a good role," said Toshiro, "but it can be really one dimensional so you've got to keep an eye out to keep it from getting stale. What part are you trying for?"

"A girl genius," replied Karin. "Mecha pilot. It's a ripoff of Simoun, so it's heavy on the yuri."

"Simoun? Not familiar with that one."

"Oh, sort of mystical power for these flying machines, two girls have to kiss to start the thing moving and they have to be below a certain age. For this new part everything becomes a love triangle with at least one other girl, but the people I've talked to say it won't be millions of panty shots set to music. I can deal with the girl kissing as long as I can keep the cameras out of my skirt. What about you, Shiro?"

"Shiro no more. Starting next Monday I'm a redheaded highschool demon boy. I don't have any other information about the part, but the money was way too good to pass up."

"Who'll you be working with?"

"Last I checked I was the only one cast so far. Normally I wouldn't have touched something like that but the money was so good I couldn't walk away from it."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

"It's true," said Rukia, "We've got enough of a script to shoot a pilot. We just have to settle out on the setting."

"Have you recruited anyone from outside the Bleach cast?"

"We picked up a few girls from Maria-sama Ga Miteru."

"Makes sense. Get people who know how to play the roles."

"We've also had some interest from some people from High School Girls."

"That's sort of an odd mix, isn't it?"

"Not sure what you mean."

"You've never seen High School Girls, have you?"

Ichigo sipped his drink and changed the subject. "We've had a bit of interest from some of the kids from Green Green, but the girl I want for my love interest is Moka from Rosario+Vampire."

"That's a good choice," said Rukia.

"She's totally hot," added Uryu. "Are you going for the pink hair version or the silver hair version?"

"Both actually. The girls will have secret mystic transformations the guys won't know about – our characters don't know that the guys are only one of our sensei's squads. Actually, we asked Byakuya about a small recurring role, but he's not sure he wants to take it. He'd be Sensei's shadowy love interest."

"Your Sensei is the Witch character from xxxHolic, right?"

"Yeah, Yuko. I personally don't know why Byakuya's not more interested. I guess he wants to strike out on his own. I told him he had to be careful; I think the only work he's had outside Bleach was that one episode of Inukami."

"You mean episode twenty, where he played the boss panty thief?"

"Yeah, I think that was the one."


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

Yoruichi laughed and fondled Soifon's butt.

"Sorry kiddo, about the only role we could have for you with the family would be another family pet."

"We have a pet already," said Kisuke, whose feelings for Soifon were similar to those of her former Vice Captain.

Soifon ignored him. "I was thinking maybe a cute mouse girl?"

"A mouse girl in a family of cat people?"

"Well we've already got Hinata for our dog girl," frowned Yoruichi.

"Hinata Hyuga from Naruto?"

"No, Hinata from Pure Pure. She's already got the ears and tail."

Kisuke sighed. This was going in a direction he did not want. Yoruichi actually seemed to _like_ Soifon, making her practically unique amongst the Bleach cast.

"Maybe we can find you something in the girl's school." His face brightened considerably. "We haven't cast the lunch lady yet. How are you with a ladle of slop?"

Soifon ignored that, pointedly asked. "Who have you cast as your daughters?"

Urahara winced but fortunately Yoruichi didn't take the bait.

"Sachiko Ogasawara is looking at the elder daughter's part."

"She's practically signed the contract," said Urahara sharply.

"Never heard of her," countered Soifon.

_You little bitch_, thought Urahara.

To Urahara's delight Yoruichi answered "Because you don't watch enough shoujo, former Little Bee. She was on Maria-sama Ga Miteru, played the austere older girl. We've already signed Mai from Popotan to play one of the younger daughters. She's got experienced as an angsty middle child in a leading role, so she ought to be perfect for the doubting adolescent. Plus she'll make an adorable cat girl. As for the third and fourth girls-"

"We're still debating the need for four kids," interrupted Kisuke. "I personally don't think we need more than two, Sachiko and Mai. Yourichi wants four."

"Don't start that again," growled Yoruichi. "I'd got my eye on Kagome Higurashi to go between Mai and Sachiko as the second daughter, and Yukari Sendo is interested in playing our youngest."

"I know Kagome did the Inuyasha series, is that Yukari Sendo from Rosario+Vampire?"

"Yes she is. She'll make a fine little catgirl." Yoruichi threw a look at Urahara.

"Yoruichi wants a whole litter," groused Urahara. "I say adding too many kids means we won't be able to focus enough on any of them."

"Are you aiming," asked Soifon, "For twelve episodes or twenty four?"

"We're aiming for twenty four on a first year arc, open-ended for multiple seasons."

"That's sort of an action-oriented parental arc," explained Urahara. "We achieve our objectives and probably move the family to a new town, leaving us completely open to revamp anything we want in season two."

"Smart," conceded Soifon. "You can shift all the kid arcs from season one down to the next younger child."

"And change the setting too, if we have to. That's sort of the idea, so the viewer gets to see each girl in sequence grow up, see how the different personalities handle the same situations. It's as clever as Urahara could come up with," replied Yoruichi. "We wanted absolutely flexibility to guarantee the second season."

"Provided we get through the first season," countered Urahara, "without too many boring kids."

A certain thought occurred to Soifon. "What about the ears?"

Urahara lifted his hat. A pair of tall pointed blond cat ears rose out of his hair. "We went yesterday. The tail is taking some getting used to, but most of the cat moves are no different then the stuff I did as a Shinigami, and of course Yoruichi has advance standing as a cat girl."

Yoruichi grinned. "I'm fine with the tail, but the ears are taking some time to get used to." Her own purple-black cat ears folded up out of her hair.

Soifon looked at the ears, and her face went crimson.

"Y-Yoruichi-samaa-"

The cat woman sighed. "Yes, former Little Bee." The taller woman bent forward a little. "You can scratch my kitty ears. Just be gentle. They're very sensitive."

Soifon's hand was shaking as she reached up. Touching Yoruichi's tail would have been too much to hope for.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

Aizen sighed, sipped his tea. He'd promised himself he'd stay for at least one cup. Unlike his character he wasn't comfortable in crowds.

"Sousuke," called Ichigo. "Don't be a stranger. Come talk to us!"

The shy man smiled slightly, approached his former nemesis.

"I suppose we'll never cross swords again, will we, Ichigo?"

Kurosaki laughed. "I guess not. How have you been? Anything lined up?"

Aizen pushed back a stray lock of his hair. "I've had a few bishounen offers," said the former would-be god. "But a lot of them are Yaoi. A few offers for teacher or parent roles in shoujo comedies as well. I've actually got a role as the chief bad guy on 07 Ghost. They gave me a nice hat for the part. And I've been asked to play the principal at the school in Kisuke and Yoruichi's new show." He smiled briefly. "The character is supposed to hate cats."

"Evil sidekicks?"

Aizen laughed. "On 07 Ghost? Would you believe I've got another Gin? Well, not quite as good."

Ichigo echoed the other man. "Gin was probably the best evil sidekick ever."

"No one for the new show though, though that would probably be even better. A school principal with an evil sidekick?"

"That could be comedy gold," replied Ichigo.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

"Kurosaki," said Hanataro the aspiring producer, "You're not going to like this, but I just overheard Yoruichi and Urahara. Know that dog girl we wanted for Inuyasha's sister?"

"Yeah, Hinata from Pure Pure. What about her?"

"Apparently Yoruichi and Company have already signed her up as their family pet for whatever it is that they're working on."

"You're kidding! Nah, that can't be right, didn't she get our offer? She's already played a pet, you'd think moving up to a little sister role would be a good career move." He reached for his mobile, looked over towards where Yoruichi and Urahara were talking to Sailor Bitch. "Let me call Inuyasha and see if he can get this straightened out. I wonder what they're working on, anyway?"

"Some kind of Brady Bunch cat family thing."

"Nasty."


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

Matsumoto stood quietly sipping her rum, listening to the pitch Gin was making.

"It's sort of a steampunk re-telling of Sherlock Homes," he said. "With me as Homes and Tosen here as Watson. We could use you, Matsumoto. You'd be our Missus Baker, the beauty side of our little team. Of course it would involve a skin tight rubber suit."

"A skin tight rubber suit."

"Come on, Ran, you'd look hot in a skin-tight rubber suit. Different color every week."

"Gin, I'm an artist. I don't want to be a bouncy doll for you. I want serious dialog."

"You'll get serious dialog!"

"Relating exclusively to the skin tight rubber suit, correct?"

"Come on Ran, don't be like that."

A passing waiter offered a tray.

"Canape?"

"Yes please. Thank you." The three helped themselves.

"What kind of stories would there be?" Asked Rangiku. "I'll tell you honestly, I was hoping for a job as a mech pilot."

"As long as it's steam powered Ran, we can work something out."

Syazel Apporo Grantz appeared. "Any chance you're looking for villains?"

Gin gave the former espada his trademark foxy grin. "I'm sure we can work something out, Professor Moriarty."


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

"I don't think it's a good idea, Menoly," said Loly.

"Come on! It'd be perfect. You, me and Lilynette."

"Have you _spoken_ to Lilynette?"

"Not yet. But this can't fail! Direct to net release, only three or four ongoing characters. You and I will play twins at a boarding school with a semi-appropriate relationship. Lilynette would be your lusty fangirl."

Nnoitora happened to be standing nearby, languidly smoking a cigarette in a long black holder as he sipped an immense martini.

"That sounds a lot like Candy Boy," lisped the former fifth Espada. "Better talk to your lawyers darlings, or you _may_ get sued."


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach or any other manga/anime that might be mentioned below

* * *

"Work as bad guys?" Ikkaku grinned his evil Ikkaku grin. "Hell _yeah_. I'll talk to Yumichika, I'm sure he'll be up for it."

"I'll call Inuyasha," said Ichigo.

"Dogface is in on this? Ichigo, me and Dogface go way back - he got me and Yumi into the band of seven back when we were Renkotsu and Jakotsu. Hell, the three of us used to train together before any of us broke into the business. I tell you what, let me call him."

"Okay, will do."

"Say Ichigo, do you remember a show called something Nagasarete Airantou? One guy, a bunch of girls on an Island? I know some of the girls from that. If you need to fill out the classrooms let me make a couple of calls."


End file.
